I find myself wanting to just go insane a lot. Not insanity in the mental health definition but insanity in the uninhibited sense of the word. I want to loose control, let go of my bloody grip and just go....insane.
There's always something you want to do when you are growing up, something/one you want to be. I had a lot of different roles I was planning on playing as an adult or when I finally grew up, which is a phrase I'm finding has a never ending definition since you aren't finally grown up until your heart stops beating. I don't know, I always thought I'd be a teacher, a movie star, a lawyer and in a way I suppose I am all of those things. I guess the constant "thing" was to be a Mommy. Makes it fitting that the constant thing was the only thing I completely became and no that's not a complaint.
I can remember being a child and playing with my dolls or just imagining my future and being stable, happy, over joyed and loved...loved, loved without exceptions/rules/specifications/boundaries.
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