I wasn't prepared for that. In truth I hadn't thought about her in anyway shape or form in a very long time when out of nowhere I see a new friend request on Facebook from none other than Joann. I couldn't believe my eyes. Really? I sit there in front of the computer, shaking and not being able to process anything or type or speak, just thinking how this person thinks that I would actually be okay with this. Who does she think she is?
I got off the computer and I called my Mom and asked her flat out "Is Joann living there?" to which she replied with a yes and then I explained what just happened and out of nowhere I decided it was time. I asked Mom to put her on the phone. I could hear hesitance from my Mom in the background as she was transferring the phone from her to her sister. I could hear whispers of "what?" and "I don't know". She picks up the phone and says "Hi Kris, how are you?" and it was striking to me just how calm and happy her voice was. It was literally as if nothing had ever happened and we were good pals and super close. It was like being punched in the stomach again. I gasped for air for a moment because I could not believe what was happening.
I stood there on the phone, holding onto the counter in the kitchen for balance since I could not control the shaking in my body, I unleashed. The anger I could feel rushing from my feet to my head and hands. I screamed and yelled at her. Told her to leave me alone, she doesn't exist to me, she abused me, she allowed her son to molest me, she killed her son, she tortured me and I would not allow her to know me or MY family ever as they will never know who or what she is. A stranger on the street that is so abrasive that even the politest of people wouldn't stop to help if they saw her trip while walking down the sidewalk.
Again, punch to the gut, she was so absent minded about it all and did not and could not understand where my anger was. Repeating to me "Don't you believe in God? In heaven and hell? You have kids, you HAVE to believe in God"...those were the exact words. She was at peace with everything and was so taken out of herself that she didn't think she did anything wrong. That calling her teenage niece a "fucking whore" was "bad" and not abusive or wrong. That beating me with a door while a friend sit in complete shock watch as she pushes the door as hard as she could repeadidly into me over dishes in the sink while I sit pinned between the wall and door, scared, embarrassed, ashamed. There she sat on the other end of the phone totally okay with everything. Totally okay with her involvement in killing her son, my molester. Saying that she "only did that a few times" when referring to doing drugs with her abusive child and so it was "okay" and "not abusive" or destructive or "being a bad mother"....my jaw hit the floor. I literally could not believe what I was hearing.
The anger just boiled through my veins. I started to talk louder and use fowl language, I broke. Told her to leave me alone, I don't exist to her, I am not her niece, she will never know my children and they will never know her. What angered me the most was that she would not just shut up she had to keep repeating "I love you, I wish the best for your family, you have a beautiful family, May God bless you, I will always love you" over and over. I had to put the phone out of ear shot of my ear so that I wouldn't get so enraged that I couldn't handle it. I just told her to give the phone back to my Mom and that's when I lost it. The shock, anger, everything just broke and I began to hyperventilate.
I am calm now, able to think, able to type. Just not something that I expected to happen today or any day for that matter. It could be a positive in the sense that I finally got to verbally express my anger to her and verbally tell her what I wanted from her.
I did tell her to go to hell to which she replied with "I'm going to Heaven". It's a little reminder like that to just let you know, once again, how much you hate the Christian religion and this belief that if the sinner repents to God that all will be forgiven and the gates to Heaven will open for you. The people that don't deserve infinite bliss in the afterlife are the ones that the religion preaches will get in through forgiveness. Well to that I can only say...FUCK YOU CHRISTIANITY, TAKE YOUR RAPISTS, ABUSERS, MOLESTERS, KILLERS WITH YOU AND ENJOY YOUR NEVER ENDING TORMENT THAT WILL BE INFLICTED ON YOU AS A RESULT OF LETTING THESE PEOPLE REPENT AND GET WHAT THE GOOD PEOPLE OF THE WORLD WORK HARD TO ATTAIN AND GET PUNISHED FOR IT!
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